


Cherishing The Beauty of Drunken Idiocy

by kohakuyume94



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Police, Drunkenness, KakaYama - Freeform, KakaYama Week 2018, Light Dom/sub, M/M, NSFW Art
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 10:25:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14591001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kohakuyume94/pseuds/kohakuyume94
Summary: Officer Yamato is forced to take a last call at the end of his shift to pick up his very drunk husband - it quickly turns into an arrest the officer swears to make Kakashi pay dearly for.





	Cherishing The Beauty of Drunken Idiocy

Officer Yamato rubbed lazily over heavy eyes, and down around the back of his neck. It’d been a very, very long, taxing shift. The kind that made the veteran cop mentally calculate the days until retirement. But, the work was always worth it - saving lives, cleaning up the streets, making the city a safe place to live - after having served in the in the special forces all through his young adulthood, Yamato refused to spend the rest of his career doing anything less noble.

Sai, his rookie partner, set their course for the station, opening his mouth to likely make a comment about going home to kick back with some red wine and Bob Ross, when their radio came on.

A last call. Needed to be Officer Yamato specifically on the scene as soon as possible.

“Can I get any details on the perpetrator?” Sai asked.

There was a pause, and through the crackle of static, the pair of officers could have sworn they heard an attempt or two to retrain laughter over the line.

“You’ll know him when you see him. Hidden Leaf Park, northeast entrance, between the athletic fields and the Memorial Stone. There won’t be any question.”

The two partners shared a confused, and frustrated glance, Yamato then taking the radio and questioning rather aggressively, “Okay, we’re going to need some more details here. Is this a hostile situation? Is the perpetrator armed? Is there someone else closer - or, someone who’s not at the end of their shift that can respond?”

This time, the stifled laughter over the other end was unmistakable.

“Just report to the scene, Yamato. Your expertise alone is going to be able to handle this guy.”

Yamato surrendered to the ridiculousness of the situation, too exhausted to argue with dispatch. He just wanted the shift to be over, and arguing was just prolonging the annoyance of it all. Tossing the radio down with a huff, he turned to Sai, instructing, “Lights on. I guess drive to the park.”

Officer Yamato brooded silently to himself as they passed through the busy city streets, the bright lights of nightlife switching on as the sun slipped behind office buildings and under the earth. What kind of situation could possibly warrant specific and immediate need solely for him? And why at the end of a shift with secret snickers in the place of information?

Pulling onto the scene, however, and craning over the crowd of park-goers, Yamato immediately spotted their perpetrator and had everything snap into understanding. His cheeks and chest radiated embarrassed and angry heat as his mind fought to accept the sight before him, and then somehow swallow the very real reality of dealing with the heinous situation. He would never live this down. The station, the city - he would absolutely never live it down.

Because there, on top of a boulder, in full drunken glory, stood Yamato’s husband, shouting aloud the x-rated contents of his favorite novel into a bull-horn for the entire park to hear.

“This is it,” Yamato decided, shaking his head in indignant disbelief. “This is how he dies. I’m going to kill him, Sai. I’m going to literally _murder him.”_

The rookie shifted uncomfortably in his seat, hanging somewhere between fear, amusement, and second-hand embarrassment.

“Um, I’m sorry Yamato…. Do you want me to, um-“

“Stay in the car?” The senior officer shot back, unbuckling and whipping open the passenger door. “Yes. I’ll take care of this.”

Slamming the door behind him, Yamato fumed forward as the phrase, “reached for his twitching, throbbing cock,” slurred out of his husband’s mouth and into the ears of a party of eleven year olds and their gasping parents.

“Hatake Kakashi, you climb down from there immediately!”

Catching sight of his partner, Kakashi’s lazy eyes lit up, and he shouted excitedly into his bull-horn, “Tenzooooo! Isthat you sexy baby? Youcameto my-my public reading!”

“Put the bull horn down, put your hands above your head and dismount the rock this instant!”

The silver-haired man groaned rather like a toddler, shoulders slumping, and rolling his head around over-dramatically.

“But Iwas just getting to-to the goooood partsTenzo..”

Off the side of his shoulder, Yamato heard the fearful, and shame-ridden whisper of his name. The officer shot a glance behind him to see Guy, his husband’s best friend, cowering sheepishly and avoiding eye-contact.

“Guy,” Yamato started, fury tightening through his jaw. “You better have a damn good excuse for letting this happen, an even better explanation for _what the hell_ is going on here.”

“Uh-um, hi Yamato...” Guy stuttered, sweat very quickly soaking through the Kelly green of his tracksuit. “You see, we went out for a drink after work- it was a particularly challenging day with the students - the end of exam week - but I’m sure you know that - and-but, anyway, a few shots turned into a drinking game with one of his romance novels - which then turned into him getting emotional about how amazing he thought the book was and how he wanted to share it with the world, so the world would understand its’ beauty - so then, he started trying to read it to everyone at the bar, and I decided we should go home - but, on the way, he wanted to walk through the park, and then we stopped for a second because I saw one of my students playing in a soccer game - Tenten, you know Tenten - and anyway, the next think I knew, he was gone from my side and was stealing the bullhorn from the game’s referee, shouting about how he was going to put on a public reading.”

Guy finally took a breath and met Yamato’s terrifying death glare.

“So, then you just let him climb on a boulder and recite porn to the masses?”

“Well, I-uh, I tried to get him down,” Guy offered weakly, hand rubbing hard on the back of his neck, attempting the force of a smile. “I remembered him saying that you’d be getting off work soon when we were at the bar, so I figured you were off by then, and I tried to call your cell. But, I accidentally called the station instead somehow, and they said they would get ahold of you. I didn’t think they’d officially dispatch you. I’m sorry. I’m _really, really_ sorry.”

From back on the boulder, Kakashi had started again into his shout-reading.

Yamato narrowed the pierce of his glare into Guy, threatening, “I’ll deal with you later,” before turning his attention back to his drunken mess of a husband.

Wordlessly, Yamato crossed through the crowd, and reached up to wrench away Kakashi’s stolen bullhorn and toss it carelessly away. He then yanked his husband down, ignoring his loud, whining protests, and pulled out a pair of handcuffs.

“Hatake Kakashi, I am hereby placing you under arrest for public intoxication, and disturbing the peace. I will very quickly add resisting arrest to the charges if you don’t stop trying to turn around and kiss me.”

The silver-haired man huffed.

“Tenzooooo, stooop! Youruirnedmy public reading!! Why won’t you kiiiiss me? ‘N you’reembarassing me!”

A booming, singular laugh burst out of the officer.

“ _I’m_ embarrassing you?”

He gave a shove to the low of his lover’s back to send him toward the police car.

“Go get your drunk ass in the car before I tase it.”

From the crowd of spectators, a teenager shouted that they were recording everything as a warning to Yamato, who fought the spread of his burning blush as someone quickly informed the teen that the officer was in fact “married to that drunken idiot.”

“Ooh, you’re gonna tase my ass now, are you?” Kakashi teased, raising his eyebrows and batting long lashes too quickly to be any kind of seductive.

“Believe me,” Yamato promised, pushing them forward. “You wouldn’t like it.”

“I don’t know,” Kakashi continued in sing-song slur. “Sounds _electrifying_!”

“Shut up. Get in the car.”

“Sostoic, Tenzo. Stoic, and mean, and bossy.” The jabber carried on, loud, lazy, and with the erratic tossing of silver hair and the dramatic wiggles of Kakashi’s lanky body  
against his cuffs. “You’re justa fun sucker, Tenzo. Officer Funsucker reporting for duty. _Booty duty_. You goingto-going to report for booty duty, Ten-zo? You going to  
ben’meover your police car, hm? You going to- ow! Hey!”

Yamato shoved his husband into the back seat, leaning in with a venomous whisper before slamming the door shut.

“For the love of god, Kakashi, if you know what is good for you at all - please exercise your _fucking_ right to remain silent.”

For a brief moment, Kakashi obeyed, and an awkward quiet fell between he and Sai as his husband rounded the car and climbed inside.

“Hi, Kakashi...” the rookie offered quietly, forced, fake smile strained over his face.

The drive back to the precinct came with whining protests, a few more attempts at drunken seduction through policeman puns, and an eventual vomit explosion all over the back of the squad car.

Yamato stayed silent, dropped his husband off with his partner at the precinct and went home to pass out after taking down a number of his own shots in the steam of a  
much-needed, body-boiling shower.

The next morning, the officer retrieved his husband from his holding cell just as rage-clenched and silent, meeting the whistles, laughter and mocking cheers with an answer only from his middle finger. Yamato picked up coffee and breakfast for the hungover train-wreck of man in his passenger seat on the way home. Shamefully,  
Kakashi stared through sunglasses down at his coffee, untouched breakfast sandwich in his lap.

“Tenzo...” he started, guilt weighting his raspy voice.

“Eat, Kakashi,” his husband instructed firmly in return. Eventually, Kakashi nibbled and sipped his way through breakfast, the rest of the car ride and the trip up to their  
apartment staying silent between the pair of them.

Once behind closed doors, Yamato threw his keys down onto the kitchen table with a definite smack.

“You must still be really mad; you didn’t even use the bowl,” Kakashi murmured, a genuine effort to lighten the tension. His partner’s terrifying, stone-faced demeanor  
didn’t flicker for a second, and Kakashi could no longer keep from crumbling into apologies.

“Tenzo, please - I’m so, so, so sorry. Please let me pay for my idiocy! I didn’t mean to-“

As soon as they started, Kakashi’s words were immediately shoved back down his throat by his husband’s tongue, the irate officer slamming into him rough and unyielding. Yamato moved the pair of them back towards their bedroom, bearing into his love, tugging lips between his teeth, and shoving hands into shrinking shoulders.

He relented a moment to pull strip Kakashi of his shirt, then biting hard over perky pink before quickly sinking to his knees.

Frazzled and overwhelmed at this welcome, wild assault of affection, Kakashi gasped for air.

“Tenzo, please, what-what’s brought this on? I-I don’t understand...”

He whimpered at the hot breath over his bare skin, and the pinching tickle of thick fingers that climbed up the highest reach of his thighs.

“You and your fucking, drunken idiocy...” Yamato hissed back. “It inspired something for me...”

The officer’s hands fanned around back, pulling his lover open ever so slightly as he drew him just a breath away from his open lips.

“I thought of nothing else last night, Kakashi... would you like me try it?”

Swallowing hard, Kakashi nodded and gave a gentle “mhm,” trying to steady his breathing, along with the spinning of his head, and the shaking of his body.

A wide, purely devious smile finally broke over Yamato’s face.

“Excellent. Get up on the bed.”

Kakashi obeyed, losing his body back to shaking as his lover sauntered forward, undoubtedly reaching into his back pocket to pull something out.

“Face the headboard.”

This time, with a slight hesitance to try and catch a glimpse at whatever was to emerge from behind his husband’s back, Kakashi obeyed.

A slight jingle could be heard as Yamato climbed up behind his lover, naked and helplessly anticipating. Drawing the moment out until Kakashi could bear it no longer and  
turned to peek behind, the officer lunged forward, shoving his husband’s face into the sheets, wrenching his arms against his back and snapping them into handcuffs.

Kakashi wriggled his face to the side for air, realizing just how completely vulnerable, and exposed he lay before his lover, and entirely consumed with the thrill of what was to come next.

This was all so new and so sudden - he’d been expecting a lashing for his behavior, but not anything like the kind he looked like he was about to receive. Yamato was not this kind of lover - rough, sure - but he never was one to use his handcuffs, or really anything of the sort. Kakashi mused over how much he’d worried the night before to now be coming home for this welcome reward, as Yamato withdrew and could be heard rustling through a bag back over by the door.

“Do you remember anything from last night, Kakashi?”

“Y-yes...”

The rustling stopped, and the silver-haired man could feel his husband’s weigh shift the mattress behind him.

“Do you remember what you thought might be fun?”

The familiar sound of a cap popping open was heard, followed by a squirt, and the soft thud of the tube being tossed aside.

“Um, I wanted you to take me up against the police car?”

Kakashi tensed in the anticipation of fingers. Instead, he flinched at a supportive hand against his low back.

“What about before that, beloved?”

Kakashi wracked his mind, unable to focus through the haze of building heat.

“Um, I don’t-I’m sorry...”

An amused laugh exhaled out of Yamato.

“You thought it would be fun if I tased you in the ass.”

Kakashi’s eyes shot open wide, his husband’s hand pressing hard against his back to keep him from snapping upright.

“You said it sounded... _electrifying_...”

A buzz filled the room, and Kakashi flew into a panic.

“Tenzo! Tenzo-Tenzo-Tenzo! What the-“

His pleadings where cut short by an unfiltered cry that exploded forward as a vibrating toy pressed itself inside, growing wider with each silicone notch, and locked into the sweetest of places.

“Holy _fuck_ , Tenzo!” Kakashi exclaimed, caught between a twist of overwhelming emotions and the burning pleasure of being filled so completely with a buzz so strong and steady. “What the- _what_?!”

Smug as could be, Yamato slipped around the sheets into his husband’s line of sight and leaning leisurely against their headboard.

“Did you actually think I was going to tase you in the ass?”

“I don’t know! It kinda seemed like, _ah_ \- what _is_ this thing? It is-“

“Nice, hm?” Yamato smiled knowingly as his lover groaned in affirmation.

“I picked it up on my way to get you just this morning. Thought you might like it. And look, it gets better.”

Yamato revealed the features of their fancy new toy by the click of a small remote in hand, consequently sending his love over higher and more violent waves of pleasure with each change of setting.

“Tenzo, please... come here. Let me out of the cuffs. Let me-“

“Oh, you’re not getting of that easy,” Yamato interrupted, raising an eyebrow and pulling the vibration back down to the lowest settling. “I meant what I said earlier about your stupid, drunken idiocy having inspired me to try something - and your new little friend was only the first part.”

Kakashi let out another whined plea, struggling slightly against his binds and the ache through his body.

“See, Guy told me how you got so intoxicated last night, how you started playing a little drinking game while reading your smutty novels. He also said you were moved by the beauty of the writing and that’s what inspired your public reading. So, I thought I could hold my own reading for you, you know, to experience the beauty for myself with my own drinking game - except, I’m not going to be drinking. No, I’m going to be playing with the settings on your little toy there. Every time there’s a euphemism for genitalia of some kind, every time tongues fight for dominance, every time someone blushes, or trembles, or releases a breath they didn’t know they were holding...”

Yamato clicked his remote, causing the squirm and subsequent panting of his writhing husband.

“Tenzo, please - I’m sorry! I embarrassed you terribly! It was so far beyond irresponsible, and stupid, and immature of me, and it’s not ever going to happen again! Please let me out of the cuffs so I can make it up to you.”

“Oh, but Kakashi, beloved, what about cherishing the beauty?” Yamato chided, cracking open one of his husband’s well-worn copies of smutty literature. “You said you like your new toy, right? And you said you wanted to pay for your insanity last night?”

“Gods- _yes_!” Kakashi cried, completely exasperated. “But, Tenzo, you know this kind of thing doesn’t let me - it is- _mm_ , so good - but, you know I’ll never get off like this!”

Yamato locked eyes with his husband, searing in the full intensity of his perfect vengeance.

“Well then,” he taunted. “We’ll just have to see what comes first...”

Kakashi gasped at the glorious torture through his body, leaking liquid pooling beneath him on the sheets, and promised to himself then and there that never wouldn’t  
ever drink again, and then, in the next breath, that as soon as he recovered from this, he would be heading out to the nearest liquor store for the building of a punishment  
far worse.

“What comes first?!”

“Mm, you, or the end of this book... let’s begin, shall we?”


End file.
